People need to know you

One of the potential problems of pastoring is tied up in the fact that you can only lead if people know you and like you. But this is easier said than done.

If you have been a pastor for any length of time, you understand what I'm about to say. More times than not, when people say that they don't know their pastor, they really mean that their pastor doesn't know them. Pastors know that most of the time when those in our congregation come to us, they are talking about themselves (a need, a prayer request, a victory, their testimony, etc.).

To compound this problem, it is generally understood to be true that pastors are probably the most insecure group of people on the face of the planet. Maybe we just don't like to mingle too much in crowds. Maybe we have been hit at least a few times by some hurtful church members and we haven't let it go ... which leads us to trust people less. So, when they DO ask us about us, we tell them, "Oh, things are going well" and offer nothing else.

These are problems that must be overcome. If you are to love and lead your people and they are to love and follow you, they've got to know you.

How do your people get to know you and you get to know them?

• Use (but don't overuse) personal illustrations in your sermons. Be secure enough to periodically get them to laugh at one of your blunders. They'll love you for it.

• Walk slowly through the halls and worship center. I'd rather spend 5 minutes with one person than 15 seconds with 20. If you spend the extra time with one person (especially in a high profile place) others will observe and see that you are willing to take time with your congregation. They suspect that if you were talking with them, you would give them the same attention. (But, having said that, I periodically feel the need to quickly walk through the pews and shake as many hands as I can.)

• Periodically attend off-sight gatherings of Sunday School classes or other groups in your congregation. Let folks see you with jeans and without the sports coat. Let them hear you talk about things other than "ministry." You will become more real to them.

• Use social media and share personal moments (of course, don't overdo it - you'll be considered vain). Consider sharing pictures and personal moments that are humorous and out of character so that you can lose the "stiff" persona.

• Pick up your phone and just call people from time-to-time. Let them know that you were thinking about them and wondered if there is something you can pray with them about. They will appreciate you for that.

• Be open to visiting people in their homes. Be careful, though, of integrity issues (e.g. never visit a female in her home when no one else is present). 

Maybe you can discover some other creative ways to get to know your people and allow them to get to know you. Just do yourself and your congregation a favor and develop a relationship that is meaning for them. Your leadership credibility will almost certainly go up.